December 2010
24 posts
3 tags
Stories from Work #7: Another Passive Aggressive...
Dear Little Girl, You are eating kettle corn very obnoxiously and getting it on my counter and on the floor of this store. Your mom isn’t doing shit about it either as she’s too occupied drinking her bottle of Bud Light, no doubt to attempt to erase you from her mind as a child she never wanted. I hope you get bits of kernels stuck in your teeth that stay there forever. Sincerely, ...
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories From Work #6: WHERE IS SHE?!
(man bursts into store frantically)
Man: Have you seen an old chinese woman!?!?
Me: Yeah, I saw A chinese woman, but that could've been anyone. Do you know what she was wear-
Man: (gets angry) DAMMIT! (runs away)
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories from Work #5: Bobblehead Jesuses (Jesi?)
Okay, someone enlighten me please. This is like the 3rd time someone has asked me if we stocked these. Are these actually popular?
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories From Work #4: The Next Storm Will Be...
Woman: Excuse me sir, do you know when the next wave of rain is gonna come in?
(I was not aware these were scheduled)
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories From Work: No Crime Just Punishment
(boy runs into store)
Boy: Mom! Look at this! (picks up a magnet and shows his mom)
Mom: NO! *SMACK* (hits boy across the face so hard that he stumbles over)
Boy: (puts his head down and cries silently for the rest of the time he is in this store)
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories From Work #2: Return of the Giant...
Man: Excuse me, why the hell is it so cold? There's even an event today downtown!
Me: Because it's winter? Also, I feel like Nashville doesn't have total control over the weather.
Man: Well they could at least hand out free jackets and gloves. (grabs umbrellas because its raining) and these umbrellas should be FREE! This is the worst!
Me: That sound's expensive... and I can't just give away free umbrellas when it starts to rain.
Man: But I'm the customer! Things should be tailored to my needs!
Dec 29th
3 tags
Stories From Work (Winter Break 2010/2011 Edition)
Man: Do you have any postcards of downtown Memphis?
Me: Memphis? This is Nashville so we don't have any.
Man: But don't you have any postcards or souvenirs that say "Memphis"?
Me: Memphis is like 3 to 4 hours to the west. Why would we stock something that has nothing to do with Nashville?
Man: Whatever, you're the one who is losing business this way! (storms out)
Dec 29th
6 tags
Dec 28th
4 tags
Dec 25th
3 tags
Dec 24th
3 tags
Ponderosa Girl Wins America Award
I was in Orland the past few days and I went to a lovely little restaurant called Ponderosa. The girl at the table next to us was the most American girl I have ever witnessed in my life.  She stuffed her face for a full half hour… before throwing it all back up onto her plate. She literally ate so much that her body rejected it. If that is not American, I do not know what is. You go...
Dec 24th
Lost 3 Followers During Finals
Dec 24th
CALVIN PATIMETEEPORN, YOU BLAST-ENDED SKANKY SON...
sevenpartsofawhole: aznnerd: sevenpartsofawhole: WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT TAKE ME WITH YOU TO HARRY POTTER LAND? DOBBY’S SOCK, YOU ARE THE WORST NON-BFF EVER! I HOPE YOUR WAND BACKFIRES AND KILLS YOU THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA A.K. SOMEONE. SORRY HEATHER! IT WAS KIND OF A SURPRISE FOR ME. I’M SORRY. I’VE BEEN A HUGE HAGRID’S BUTTCRACK. WELL I’M GLAD YOU AT LEAST APOLOGIZED. AND YES, YES YOU...
Dec 24th
1 tag
CALVIN PATIMETEEPORN, YOU BLAST-ENDED SKANKY SON...
sevenpartsofawhole: WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT TAKE ME WITH YOU TO HARRY POTTER LAND? DOBBY’S SOCK, YOU ARE THE WORST NON-BFF EVER! I HOPE YOUR WAND BACKFIRES AND KILLS YOU THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA A.K. SOMEONE. SORRY HEATHER! IT WAS KIND OF A SURPRISE FOR ME. I’M SORRY. I’VE BEEN A HUGE HAGRID’S BUTTCRACK.
Dec 24th
1 tag
Dec 24th
3 tags
Dec 17th
1 note
3 tags
Dec 17th
1 note
2 tags
approximatelyinfinity asked: I heard a joke that I think you'll appreciate:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question--feminists can't change a thing.
Dec 17th
1 tag
Dec 14th
3 tags
Dec 12th
3 tags
Dec 12th
3 tags
Dec 12th
1 tag
Dec 8th
5 notes
2 tags
Dec 4th
1,683 notes